Opinions – Warrior Record Online

Save Us, Eradicate Everything Else

May 18, 2017

Filed under Opinions

SATIRE “Yes, we’re currently working on saving the endangered vaquita porpoise, a native species to Mexico’s Gulf of California. In order to save this beautiful creature, I’ll be placing 11 tons of carbon fuel into the Gulf of California,” says renowned...

On the job with mom

Johnette Williams, Staff Writer

May 2, 2017

Filed under Opinions, Top Stories

The fourth Thursday in April each year is "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day", also known as "Take Your Child to Work Day". On this day, many parents take their kids to their jobs so the children can experience...

Bring my what, to who now?

Allison Richards, Staff Writer

April 26, 2017

Filed under Opinions

SATIRE It's countdown to "bring your kid to work day"! Or its official name Take Your Daughter and Son to Work Day (which no one has actually used… ever). This day was started so the youth could see what kinds of jobs there are out in the world and what parents really do at work. It i...

How to dress to impress

Lauren Callahan, Staff Writer

April 26, 2017

Filed under Opinions

SATIRE Summer is just around the corner and students are applying for summer jobs. Regardless on where you plan on working, you need to dress right to make it big. Here are some tips to help you dress to impress. Ignore hygiene By looking dirty and a little rough around the edges, employers ...

World’s Oldest Woman & the Future of Cardio

Margaret Hynes, Staff Writer

April 24, 2017

Filed under Opinions, Top Stories

SATIRE “How have I become the world’s oldest woman? Well, the answer to going over 100 is pretty simple. Just drink a lot of protein powder (don’t put anything it; just drink it straight), and do a whole...

New genetic engineering turns people into Kangacats

Allison Richards, Staff Writer

April 13, 2017

Filed under Opinions

Satire Happy National Companion Animal Day!! Have you ever looked at your animal companion (probably a cat) and thought “I would love to be you”? Well, now you can! With the Mewgaroo Hoodie from Unihabitat in Japan, you can now literally morph into a half breed of a cat and kangaroo. Why...

Cast and crew overcome difficulties

Briana Queen and Johnette Williams

April 11, 2017

Filed under Opinions, Top Stories

REVIEW By Johnette Williams On April 6th, 7th, and 8th, the theater department put on a production of the musical adaptation of “Little Women”. The theatre had an in-school matinee on Friday where students were able to skip their 2nd-4th periods and go to the play. “Little Women” was a m...

Cloud City hovers above NYC

Margaret Hynes, Staff Writer

April 11, 2017

Filed under Opinions

SATIRE “We’re generating new architectural concepts as we speak. I have my best team working on the high-tech designs right now, producing and polishing some pretty cool stuff,” explains Richard Richie,...

2017 Solar Eclipse, WSHS says ‘Whaaattt??’

Margaret Hynes, Staff Writer

April 6, 2017

Filed under Opinions

“Yeah, it’s legit, man,” says Tony Tuscanini, a Charleston citizen. “I’m chill. Chilled out. WooHoo.” According to WSHS, also known as the Weird Stuff Happening in Space Corporation, the solar eclipse that was expected to blackout...

Spock’s surfing on Titan, dude

Margaret Hynes, Staff Writer

March 29, 2017

Filed under Opinions

SATIRE “With an active polar atmosphere, parallel climate activity (including rainfall, rivers, and more), and a freshly unearthed polar wind that is forcing gaseous matter from the stratosphere, Saturn’s moon, Titan, has always thought to have been harboring some natural life forms, w...