Warriors frozen in the halls-SATIRE


Jess Zsiga

The Osceola hallways are “frozen” in 2015.

Atticus Ulrich, Guest Writer


Warrior students have been spotted frozen in the hallways in the wake of a surprising winter storm which has left the entire school building and its occupants frozen. The storm hit shortly after the end of first period with students being spotted frozen in place throughout the hallways and classrooms. The storm, however, has repeatedly been dying down after the bell for the next period, with students arriving late to class due to being frozen in place. The storm then ramps up at the end of the periods with students becoming frozen once again throughout the halls. The storm however seems to only be affecting those who are wearing orange- the senior guys, its however unclear why this is happening. In the wake of the odd storm, Zim Cantore has been spotted reporting outside of the school in his blue weather coat. The storm doesn’t seem to be affecting him quite yet, but this may be due to the lack of orange on his clothes. The storm continued throughout the day, until first lunch when it apparently died down enough to no longer be affecting anyone, especially in the cafeteria, possibly due to the warmth of the ovens in the kitchen. After the second lunch, however, the storm began ramping up again but now affecting senior girls who are wearing blue. This has now also caused Cantore to be frozen in place outside of the school, which the Weather Channel is now blaming on technical difficulties. The storm thankfully ended at the end of the school day, with all seniors seen being able to run around the hallways and parking lot with ease. Cantore has also been unfrozen as he has been spotted jumping around and yelling, possibly due to his excitement of reporting on this odd storm. The authorities and meteorologists have been unable to explain this anomaly but hope to discover its origin soon.