SATIRE

Recently, a lawsuit was filed against the Starbucks Coffee Company for the amount of ice in a cold beverage. Many find this annoying, but one customer has finally reached his limit.
“I have had enough! I am tired of always feeling cheated. Is it too much to ask for a full 24 ounces of liquid?” Said one angry customer named Logan Stark. Many just like Logan feel the same way, some even feel that this is the end of their spending at Starbucks.
This lawsuit will go for 5 million dollar and has a potential to exceed even that. This issue has become such a conflict that the FBI have been asked to step in along with the CIA to perform an official study on whether or not the company is actually shortchanging customers on their drinks.
“This is a serious issue and it needs to be addressed, I don’t know how I could continue to run this country if I didn’t have a full cup of caramel Frappuccino.” Said President Barack Obama. “If the coffee is advertised at 24 ounces why should anyone get anything less?”
Iced coffee has become such a big trend in the United States that workers are often found rushing around to get the coffee made and sometimes adding extra ice makes production quicker.
“Nothing is more stressful than that 7-9 am coffee rush. People don’t care that you also just woke up, they just want their coffee.” Says Starbucks worker, Jane Bean. Coffee houses like Starbucks often hit their biggest rush during the hours of seven and nine am.
“Our customers can be very demanding and it is top priority that we get their drinks to them in a quick and timely manner.” Says branch manager, Joe Grinds. “But if a customer is unhappy we would be happy to remake it anytime for them!” He continues.
The Starbucks Company is refusing to acknowledge this problem claiming that iced drinks can in fact not be considered icy if they lack ice. Many are disturbed with this claim, finding it both preposterous and downright absurd.
“It’s honestly shameful, Starbucks should be ashamed for their lack of understanding towards this topic! This is a time of sensitivity for my family and I and getting more ice than coffee is what really just tipped me over!” Said the lawsuit filer, Sally Salt. A lawsuit for five million dollars will make its way to the Supreme Court this summer and is sure to be a wild ride with no predictable outcome.
“If we are being honest, I’m not quite sure how this case has made it this far. I mean we are talking about coffee here. I feel like there are some bigger issues that need to be addressed.” Said Supreme Court judge Cameron Rogers who clearly is not looking forward to this trial. With just a few short months to go, things are heating up between custumer and business and it won’t be long before somebody slips on this thin ice.