Golden glitz & free date tips!

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Golden glitz & free date tips!

Margaret Hynes, Writer

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SATIRE

The iridescent luminosities are dimmed. The floor is crowded with swaying dresses and black tuxedo pants. Everyone has a date. But you. This Golden Glitz prom doesn’t seem to be going according to your plans. Here’s what to do when you seem to be dateless and stuck consuming massive wads of cookies and punch in the corner of the room at prom:

 

  1. Stick to the stuff you know, dude: You’ve got pals. Find your squad. Dance the night away in your lovely dress or newly ironed tuxedo with your besties. Nothing chases the dateless-blues away like a jam session with the crew.
  1. Eat all the food: It’s okay to only go to prom to just eat the giant platter of scrumptious pastries. Gulp down that fruit punch. Engulf those mini cupcakes. Then go party hard on the dance floor (try not to throw up).
  1. Be Mr. Steal-yo’-girl (or gal): If you are truly feeling the dateless blues on your special night, wait for the slow-dance jams to come on, and sweep on in there. Grab a hand. Steal a date. Dance those dateless blues out the front door with a random person. Make sure to be stealthy – the other date may not take too kindly to this idea.
  1. Bop-to-the-Top: DANCE ON YOUR OWN. Own it, dude. Own those amazing dance moves. You don’t need a dance partner to completely destroy the dance floor. Be your own dance partner. It’ll be fine, even if you dance like your grandmother.
  1. Uh, I don’t know what else to tell you: If you hate all of these tips, I am at a loss. You’re on your own (literally).
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